So you want to know how to sell your country? But first I would like to clarify that this blog is banned for terrorists and foreign speculators. If you are one, please leave the page immediately and check out some other blog. If you aren’t, continue reading. Selling a country isn’t really that difficult. There are thousands in India who are already doing it and nothing seems to stop them. By nothing I take into account the CBI, the CAG and the Supreme Court. Also, the method I am going to describe below has only been tested in India but you are free to try it out in your own countries as well, although I shall not be responsible if you get into any shit because of it.Let us first understand why would you want to sell the country in the first place. The plausible reason can be money, money and more money. Fair enough. Everyone wants money and selling the country seems to be a pretty sorted plan to achieve our targets of becoming billionaires. Also, there is nothing wrong in saying that even if we sell our countries there should be no objection from anyone because it is ‘our’ country. We are selling what we own and hence there is no one who can come and stop us from doing that. Now immediately you may wonder that the ‘our’ I just used doesn’t comprise of 2 or 3 or a million. The ‘our’ I am talking about are a billion people. This would mean that we need to divide the country into a billion parts and then each person could be entitled to sell his share of the country. You don’t need to worry about this because our constitution makes sure that this division doesn’t happen and hence just a few thousands of people can go and sell the whole country and keep what we call here as the Mota Maal (Precisely US$ 5,550,000,000) in their pockets. Awesome, eh? What’s more awesome is that this figure is what you get from selling just a tiny little portion of the country. There’s a lot more of the country left for you to sell!
So you now know the money you can get from selling a country. It’s a lot of hard cash. You may now be wondering how exactly do you become a part of those thousands who are entitled to the benefits of selling the country. It involves a small investment and some really good manipulation skills. The small investment would be in the form of buying the illiterate Indians. This makes sense because you are trying to sell their share of the country too so why not buy them at extremely low prices and then not feel like robbers while you sell their share. Manipulation skills would be required with people who are a bit literate. Sugarcoat your words and make them believe in you. Once you have bought these people you have the power to do anything with the country that was earlier theirs too. You could make the country better for them or sell it; it’s up to you! It is important to note that you will get a chance to become a part of these selected thousands only once every 5 years. The next chance you will get is in 2014. Start preparing already.
The last step would require you to be clever. While selling the country you need to announce that you are indeed selling it for those illiterate and a few other literate ones but hide the fact that the revenue from such sales which will be given to those people is almost nothing. They will probably never know the actual price of their country. Next, take the remaining cash in black from the people you are selling the country to and deposit them into some really cool Swiss Bank Accounts. Lastly, if the people ever find out that they have been cheated, use some fancy economic terms like “Zero Loss Theory” or similar and trick the people again. Yes, that is it. Now you have enough money to live your entire life king size.
Now in order to simplify things, I am going to give the process illustrated above a real life terminology so that it becomes easier for you to understand the whole process better. First of all selling the country involves selling everything that is there in it. This includes its natural resources like coal (unfortunately coal mines have already been sold by the current lot of thousands who call themselves congress. It’s called the Coal Scam by general public), telecom spectrums (Again the 2G spectrum has already been sold by the same people who call themselves Congress. They probably made around US$ 5,610,000,000 on this deal. Kapil Sibal was the man), et cetera. Buying people is a violation of human rights hence they call it buying votes here. Indirectly you are buying them and their share of the country to sell it later. Manipulation of people happens in the way of rallies and speeches. The whole process is called General Elections and happens every five years. The thousand people I have been referring to again and again have also been given a term. They are called Members of Parliament, Cabinet Ministers, and other similar terms. Parliament is the place where they plan and strategize as to how exactly do they sell the country and which parts of the country do they sell.
Kudos! Now you know how to sell a country. It was really this easy. Also, you can rest assured that our constitution will allow you to do this in a very organized manner. Folks from other countries can try this guide too and reply to me by telling if it worked or not. It has been tested and works 100% in India. Before you head on to selling the country why not tell your pals about this method too. C’mon, don’t be greedy.
- Sonia says attack, BJP steps up war, CAG stays out (ibnlive.in.com)
- No respite on coalgate, Jaitley warns Centre (thehindu.com)
- (Coal)Gate Crashed! (gnaritasmithibai.wordpress.com)
- Government Defense – Coalgate Scam,Additional Arguments. (ramanan50.wordpress.com)
- What is ‘Coalgate’? (tvaraj.wordpress.com)
- CAG’s Coalgate Bomb Rocks Parliament: BJP for Prime Minister’s Resignation (ibtimes.com)
- Ek Tha Tiger: The other side of the coal scam (kractivist.wordpress.com)
- Coalgate caused a loss of Rs 1.86 lakh crore: CAG Report (kractivist.wordpress.com)